As a sort of background emotion for the day I was feeling frustrated. I was frustrated at my own (albeit involuntary) despair in the face of humanity’s crass collective stupidity. And then the frustration turned to anger at myself. Angry at my own despair.
I was trying – but failing – to think, not merely react. I was trying not to be just an animal, not be just emotional.
And trying not to be an animal is as stupidly despair-inducing as anything else that humans do. It’s vain and foolish.
Even as I write this at the end of the day, I’m still not over it. Not really. Foolishness is contagious, and it’s hard to eradicate.
Chimney Red. Halloween orange and chimney red, as Tom Waits sang.
Nature red in tooth and claw and all that.
Danger. Warning. Violence. Anger. All those things and similar, which are all more-or-less negative. They’re the colours of negative emotions; colours that accompany negative actions.
Predictable, I guess. Merely human values, I guess. Culture-context-specific too.
And red is also merely bold, merely strong – connotations that are positive. Cheerful bright reds. They’re there. You just have to notice them. Negatives too often, unfairly, dominate.
Arguably …being angry at yourself is probably a good thing (although frustration is probably a more useful emotion).
If you’ve identified yourself as the problem, then it’s far more likely that the solution lies within your own grasp.